Psst, Psst! Wink, Wink! “Midterm Liberation Day” is the Secret Password Phrase to get into the Sustainability Speakeasy
- Mark Coleman
- Apr 11
- 7 min read
Looking for a reprieve from the daily barrage of bad news for the planet including a recently prescribed litany of directives such as accelerated logging or optimized production of fossil-based energy? Well come on into the ‘Sustainability Speakeasy’ where the music is bumping, the bespoke mocktails are flowing, and the dancing is painfully awkward, but also hot. Here at the Sustainability Speakeasy, all are welcome. But to get in, you must say the secret password. Psst…Psst, its “Midterm Liberation Day,” wink, wink!
This past week I learned from some colleagues that certain federal regulatory agencies were asking and essentially requiring trained professionals, ranging from lawyers, scientists, engineers, researchers, and infrastructure developers to acquiesce, and openly state and affirm, that their specific business tied to federal funding is not related to climate science or climate change; and further, that they stand behind the Administration’s agenda. Capitulate or don’t get funded. To be clear, what we are witnessing is not a calibration of political ideology or realignment on policy, market incentives, or regulatory frameworks. What we are seeing is the shift of democracy toward an authoritarian government, plain and simple. This cannot be ignored.
This reminds me of that playground game on the seesaw that children used to play (at least I did when I was a kid growing up in Upstate, NY). In the game someone would sit on one end of the seesaw and elevate the person sitting at the other end. Then, the person in the air would say something like, “farmer, farmer let me down.” Then the person at the bottom of the seesaw would reply, “what will you give me?” And the person at the top would say something like, “an ice-cream cone.” And the person at the bottom would then ask, “an ice-cream cone with what on it?” And the child at the top would say, “an ice-cream cone with chocolate sprinkles.” And the person on the bottom would inevitably ask for more. This would go on and on, sometimes quite painfully, although it was all good fun.
As infantile as their demands may feel, the Administration is not playing a game of seesaw. If you feel like all that you believe in is being pushed aside and you are being held hostage, you are. You’re on top of the seesaw, but unlike your four-year-old self, nothing you will say will bring you to steady ground. Ouch!
Sustainability’s Underground Railroad
So, let’s look at this another way. Perhaps we go underground for a while, at least figuratively. At your local hairdresser or barbershop, ask for Jimmy. Jimmy doesn’t work there, but the owner will know who and what you mean. The owner will look at you intently and curiously, and then as their stink-eye begins to ease up, they will mysteriously motion, “follow-me.”
The shop owner will guide you to a back door, down a long hall, followed by a steep set of stairs, into an elevator that descends an unknown number of floors, opening into a dark, cold, rockfall passageway. You’ll feel confused, afraid, and scared. For a fleeting moment you’ll feel as if you are in John Wick flick, or a combination of Wick, Harry Potter, and Indiana Jones. Finally, after a sequence of twists and turns you’ll arrive at a door with a gold pendant of the earth on it as a knocker. Don’t knock on the knocker. Knock on the large wooden door. The gold earth pendant will slide open, and a voice will say, “speak the forbidden password.”
So, what exists behind the door, down the dark cold hall, accessible only by those that know how to get there? It is a forbidden land where environmental outlaws and planet pragmatists gather, in peaceful protest and solidarity, to Make the Environment Great Again (MEGA). This is the underground movement you have been yearning for all of your life.
[*A special note to the reader: The next passage is best read with your best authoritarian ‘inside voice’ – you know what I mean, wink, wink*]
MEGA is Going to Be Huge, I mean Huger than Anything You Have Ever Seen
Here at the Sustainability Speakeasy, we are going to Make the Environment Great Again (MEGA). I mean, like, bigger, way bigger, than any conservation area in the world. Way bigger than Africa’s Kavango Zambezi Transfrontier Conservation Area. Our forest lands are going to be huge, so huge, you couldn’t find your way out even with one of Musk’s Starlink connections. We are going to win and get rich with forests, bigly. The animals are going to prosper. Oh, will they prosper. Squirrels, badgers, foxes, even the Grizzly Bear and the Black Bear – all forest animals will be dripping with more leaves, berries, and forest foliage than they’ve ever seen. Way more forest than Antarctica has.
Through MEGA, and empowered by the Sustainability Speakeasy, we are also going to protect the nation’s sensitive coastal ecosystems. We’re going to conserve an area larger than the Great Barrier Reef. We’ll be swimming with way better form and speed than Michael Phelps with the sharks and dolphins. And we will swim alongside the porpoise – I love the porpoises, especially the harbor porpoises, more than anyone. Everyone knows that I cherish the Porpoises. I loved all fish way before that sleepy-eyed landshark Biden and way before Obama. They never liked fish, either of them. They sent all the fish to C-h-i-n-a. The brackish waters that provide habitat to the harbor porpoise remind me of the mocktail I’m drinking right now. We’ll bottle the brackish water and sell it as a MEGA mocktail mixer to the masses.
The forests, oceans, estuaries, all the lands – we are going to make them greater than ever before. We will make nature larger, bigger, and better – like a super oasis of nature. MEGA will produce a nature grander than anything Mother Nature could ever create on her own. We will rename Earth as Mars, and will save Elon trillions by reimaging Earth as a hospitable ecosystem to thrive in. We’re going to create a resurgence in clean air and water like no other generation of our time. The air will be so clean, like so clean, you can see across the Hudson River at dusk, and dawn. The air will be pure, like the purest air your lungs have ever breathed in.
We will bring manufacturing back to bottle the clean air we make and sell it with tariffs imposed, to the people of India and China. They will love our air, because it will be the freshest and best air on earth. MEGA will empower me to negotiate a once in a generation deal with nature. I am the only person on earth that can negotiate with nature. I know Mother Nature. She’s nasty. I mean, nasty. Quite ferocious, really. That is why I will negotiate the best deal for MEGA and bring peace and prosperity to the people by investing trillions in ecosystem restoration. I have begun to broker tremendous deals with the coniferous trees, small mammals of the plains, and even a rare breed of arachnids. They were tough. Very tough. Don’t mess with the arachnids, they will bite you every time.
Once we Make the Environment Great Again, we will charge admission to foreigners. It will be like 100X the size of our national parks. We will make money, I mean so much money. We will reinvest that money into scientific research to understand our climate and weather, we will invest heavily into new clean energy technologies, we will build the most beautiful sustainable cities and homes, and we will create the most advanced education system on earth to educate and train a new generation of sustainability innovators and workers.
We'll also use the money to clean up prior environmental liabilities, and decarbonize our carbon intensive industries. In the name of MEGA, we will commandeer Greenland, Iceland, any land - and bring back the flora, the fauna, and use the hot springs as saunas. This will be more grand than anything Disney has every done. Way bigger than Kilimanjaro Safaris or Expedition Everest. Our protection and conservation of nature will make Yellowstone and Denali National Parks look like neighborhood playgrounds.
[*Note to reader: Okay, you can turn off that authoritarian inner voice now. No really, turn it off!]
‘Mid-Term Liberation Day’ – The Word is Out
However this satire hits you, the reality for many in the sustainability space remains the same. Now is not a time for dreadful retreat. Rather, it is a time for unity and resolve. “You, me, and we” make up the common denominator for manifesting and maneuvering toward a better world.
Guided by common sense for the common good, we can leverage the knowledge, resources, and leadership of the world’s sustainability community to bring about lasting change, peace, and prosperity informed by planet pragmatism – that is, a shared value for caring for one another and for all life on earth. Let’s not let things get out of hand more than they are.
Speak up, speak out, and be proud to be a pragmatist that understands the necessity for protecting the planet as integral to our pursuit of freedom, peace, and prosperity. So, stop by the Sustainability Speakeasy whenever you need to surround yourself with co-conspirators for rational relations in an irrational world. People are here to listen, to learn, to grow, and to act.
The door will always be open to you, without a directive, command, or requirement for reciprocity. Simply say the password phrase, ‘Mid-Term Liberation Day’, and show up en masse and in force when the time comes.
* * *
Commentaires